Oh no! Coyotes!

I turned on my radio this morning and there they were again - those wily coyotes peering from behind every radio show host, patiently waiting to pounce on me, chase me into the house, rip my poodle to shreds or carry my poor mother off into the wilderness. It scared the hell out of me and fearing for my life I quickly turned off the radio so they wouldn't see me.

Get a grip, people. Coyotemania may be ripping your imaginations to shreds but your children, schnauzers and mistresses? I don't think so.

A woman gets mauled to death by a coyote and suddenly the entire species is out to take us down. One death in HOW many years that we've co-existed in this province? I'm very sorry that Taylor Mitchell was attacked and killed, but I think that the response of the people in this province is nothing short of paranoid sensationalism. Before that incident how many coyote attack stories did YOU hear? Yeah. That's what I thought.

I live in an area where there are lots of coyote and I spend a large part of my life in the woods where coyotes run free. I find little logs of poop sprouting rabbit fur all over my property and trails. On a calm summer night I hear them calling to the darkness. Once I actually laid eyes on a coyote as it skittered across my road, daring me to add it to the redneck meat section that crops up every spring. I live in an area where there is lots of forest. To expect anything less than coyotes, bear and other wildlife would be moronic.

This morning I heard on the radio that two coyotes were trapped in the woods behind a school in Brooklyn. Since when is it news that the coyotes are in the woods? Perhaps the coyotes should learn to read so they can identify the difference between woods abutting schools and woods abutting other types of buildings. "Oh look, Wile E., that spells SKOOOL. We'd better go somewhere else fast!"

The fact of the matter is that most coyotes are exactly where they should be... in the woods. Is it their fault that we cut down more and more of the trees they call home in order to put things like schools and houses there? If we move into their territory do we expect they'll just throw up their paws and buy a condo? We force them into our ever expanding world and expect them to leave us alone, and if they don't, well I guess we'll just have to institute a bounty. That oughtta make the woods safer - a bunch of rednecks running through the forest with guns setting traps and shooting at anything that looks like a coyote, dog, wolf or jug of moonshine.

I have yet to hear scientific evidence that coyotes are indeed more numerous, more aggressive, more problematic or more visible than they have been in years gone by. The only evidence I've heard is from people eager to get on the radio and tell a good yarn.

Should problem coyotes be culled? Hell yes. If it's threatening people or pets in their yards or playgrounds, then get it out of there by whatever means necessary. Should all coyotes be culled? Only if we're ready to start killing off all the other 4 legged critters that we're pushing out of the forest in the name of subdivisions.

If coyotes are truly a problem, it seems to me that spaying or birth control would be far more effective means of reducing the population. Until the scientists confirm the out of control coyote population, however, I think I'll listen to CDs instead of my radio. The real nuisance wildlife is nowhere near the forest but it sure as hell seems to have learned how to use a phone. I guess we really are in trouble.