Dear Root of All Evil,
This is 2010 and it's time to get with the program. For years I accepted your buggy software, warts and all, because the computer world was evolving and improving and it seemed ridiculous to expect the worlds of Mac and PC to co-exist. But, Root of All Evil, in this day and age we can turn men into women, put people on other planets and take hearts from pigs to keep people running. Why is it that we can't make a piece of software that allows you to write a letter without inspiring violence in the process? My patience has evaporated and I just want you to know that I think your software sucks.
I have a PC, but you can be damned sure, Root of All Evil, that I don't use it much. When I hit the power button (the sexiest part of the computer, by the way) I have to weed through dialogue boxes that pop up like dandelions after a spring rain. Do I want to scan for viruses? Do I want to update the driver that runs the pop-up box for my virus protection software? Do I want to update the software that detects when an update is available for my virus detection software? I feel like I need to get vaccinated just to turn that frigging machine on! Once the updates are completed, 15 minutes later, I get another pop-up box letting me know that the virus protection software has detected 357 viruses, that I should reinstall the system and all my software, buy a new hard drive to replace the corrupt one, stand on my head and count to 20, and try again. I have a life to live, Root of All Evil, which is why I don't use your crappy PC ever.
My Mac starts ups almost instantly and with no hassle. In fact my Mac NEVER causes me a hassle, Root of All Evil. Never, that is, until I try to run your stupid software on it. You can't imagine the rage that Microsoft Word induces in my being on a daily basis.
Root of All Evil, can you explain why it is that when I choose to create a letter sized document Word decides it's going to create a 13x19 document anyway? I really detest its insolence. How do you explain the fact that my letter shows up in the lower quarter of the page on the screen, truncated on 2 sides because the 13 x 19 page won't fit my 8.5 x 11 document. Contrary to popular belief in the good old US of A, I don't agree that bigger is better, so let me print my stupid letter on a small piece of paper and be done with it. Do you know, Root of All Evil, that I had to uninstall and install my latest copy of Microsoft Word 8 times before it would function properly? Your software is like a sullen 16 year old - old enough to cause trouble and it thinks it knows more than I do. Well, I KNOW what page size I want and I expect your stupid software to believe me. If you're going to sell software to me, how about testing it first. And if you DON'T really want to make functional software for Mac users then for the love of dog, stop wasting my time and surely someone else will fill the gap!
Are you familiar with the term "backwards compatibility", Root of All Evil? Ahhh. I didn't think so. Do you really think that at the moment you release a new version of your crappy software everyone on the planet rushes out to buy it? It would be oh so nice to be able to send someone a document created in a newer version of Word and have it open looking even roughly the same in an older version. Of course formatting doesn't even seem to be consistent from computer to computer with your lousy program, so why should I expect it to go from version to version without self-destructing?
I'm sick of companies that use their customers as beta testers - release first and maybe fix later is not a business model I can tolerate. I'm sick of compatibility that isn't and standards that aren't. I'm sick of not even being able to write a memo without tearing out most of my hair.
I have two words for you, Root of All Evil: Neo Office. From now on I'm using it instead of Word. And if all else fails, I have a pen. Thank bejeebus you haven't launched Microsoft Ballpoint Version 2.0 yet. I'm quite happy with the original and I'll thank you to keep your greedy hands away . Now that is a business tool I can trust.
Redefining YOUR Technology,
Sue
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